


i'm on the road (chasing the sun)

by tillloveburnusall



Category: SuperM (Korea Band)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Aged-Up Character(s), Aromantic Character, Asexual Taeyong, Baekhyun is just the best hyung, M/M, a hint of Seulrene, it's portrayed really light though, taeyong date other people before baekhyun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:35:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24344374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tillloveburnusall/pseuds/tillloveburnusall
Summary: As Taeyong walks through Temiya Park he thinks about Baekhyun, cherry blossoms coloring his cheeks.
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Lee Taeyong
Comments: 7
Kudos: 62





	i'm on the road (chasing the sun)

**Author's Note:**

> ho ho! I've been waiting to write a baekyong for like A G E S but It just wouldn't work but then Baekkie birthday came and somehow this popped in my mind and I'm really happy that I finally could work out. 
> 
> This story is really important to me because I dropped some of my own feelings towards sexuality, but I hope that she can reach other people as well. Well that's it, hope you enjoy it! 
> 
> Stream Punch, Daechwita, Happy and support Baekhyun's new mini album. 
> 
> Also, please, go watch Chanyeol's new MV 'Yours', it's a really nice collab between him and others cool artists!

**T** aeyong meets Seulgi when he’s sixteen. 

She’s two years older and cooler than him so, naturally, he falls for her.

Seulgi is not perfect and she makes sure everyone knows that, but she has gentle hands and loves music as much as him so even her minimals mistakes are easily forgotten.

They hang out all the time, she’s never mean about the fact that Taeyong goes home before is too dark because he’s scared and always makes time for him even though she’s in her last year and has piles of assignments to complete and college applications to fill. In exchange, Taeyong is completely honest about her dance programs and always shares his almond milk with her when they are coming back from school. 

Taeyong thinks they are a match made in heaven.

It’s summer and Seulgi appears at his front porch with her bike full of watermelon stickers. She is flushed and somehow Taeyong knows that the cause is not only the heat. 

“I’m in love.” She whispers, two hours later, when they are bundled under Taeyong’s covers watching Tom & Jerry. His heart drops to his feet, but Seulgi’s seems to be holding hers at the palm of her hand. “She works at the library and I think she likes me back.”

Taeyong feels his head heavy and his heart aches like he’s having a heart attack. He smiles.

“I’m really happy for you, noona.” And under all the heartbreak, he means it.

The library woman doesn’t like Seulgi back. But Joohyun does. 

They met on Seulgi's first day at the local university, and simply clicked. At least that’s what Seulgi tells him.

Taeyong really wants to hate her, but Joohyun wears loose Nirvana shirts like a suit and gives the best hugs. Besides, Seulgi is like a satellite around Joohyun, they gravitate towards each other and he thinks that’s just too beautiful to be tainted with something poor like jealousy.

He looks at them, Seulgi trying to spoon feed Joohyun while the other groans and squirms under her touch but takes the spoon anyways, cheeks red. He thinks that he wants something like this. 

...

Jaehyun is really pretty. 

His hugs are warm, and he kisses Taeyong like he means it. But he also holds his hands when they are walking and cooks for him when Taeyong is so tired that he feels like he can’t breathe properly.

He's twenty now, and his life took a weird change. He thinks that he can be a good teacher so he decides to take the pedagogy course. Seulgi says that he should be dancing because that’s what he was born to, he says that she’s full of shit.

But Jaehyun is nice, he’s pliant under Taeyong and soft above him, never asks more than he can give and his smile makes something in Taeyong’s stomach churn. 

Taeyong always feels disappointed when he’s around him. Not because of Jaehyun, necessarily. It’s what he makes him feel, or the lack of it, maybe. 

Jaehyun is everything someone would like in a boyfriend and love is knocking on his door, willing, but Taeyong, for how desperately tries, can’t open his heart. 

He tries anyway, he takes Jaehyun on random dates when he’s too guilty for not falling in love and is extra attentive, doubling himself in half just so he can please the younger. But Jaehyun is too good, for the world and for Taeyong too.

They are eating chinese takeover on the carpet of Taeyong’s new apartment when Jaehyun tells him they should break up.

“I like you a lot, hyung,” He says, watching Taeyong intently, eyes soft. “I might even be in love already, but you’re not.”

He opens his mouth, because he wants to love and be loved so much that it doesn’t matter if it’s not true, but Jaehyun’s gaze changes, something like pity making him force his mouth shut. 

“I’m never uncomfortable around you and you smell really nice,” He giggles, making Taeyong blush, “But what I feel for you… I wish you could feel back.”

It hits him so hard that he needs to avert his gaze from Jaehyun to the wall, throat dry. 

“Love is not something you work for, hyung.” Jaehyun says, for last, voice delicate and a bit hoarse. “Relationships, maybe. But not love.”

They still meet, Taeyong goes to Jaehyun’s graduation and claps like a proud dad and when he introduces his new boyfriend, a guy with the most beautiful smile he ever saw named Yuta, Taeyong feels some weird relief wash over him. 

Yuta stares at Jaehyun like he hung the moon, his eyes glimmering with something that Taeyong never quite experienced but recognizes immediately. 

They are so in love with each other, that Taeyong feels ashamed of standing next to them. But he is happy. Happy that Jaehyun has someone that tastes all the bittersweetness of the feeling. 

He hopes they make it till the end. They do.

…

Taeyong is twenty five when he discover that he doesn’t care about sex at all. 

He doesn’t mind having it, and it can be fun, he feels good doing it. But he doesn’t yearn for it and thinks that he could spend the time with more interesting things, with music for example. 

He tells this to Seulgi, afraid that she might think he’s broken or something, but she just shrugs, not caring at all. And so life goes on. 

It itches him sometimes, that he never thinks about sex or that he doesn’t feel aroused unless someone is physically touching him. It makes him feel wrong when his partners are trying their best to pleasure him and he feels nothing but a sense of obligation. 

Surprisingly, who ends up clearing things for him is Yuta. 

“You’re not wrong, Taeyong.” Yuta says to him, eyes widened. They are both in the cafe that Jaehyun works when he mindlessly jokes about his problems with sex. 

Yuta looks at him like he just saw a plushie punch itself and Taeyong would laugh if Yuta’s words don’t make his world freeze for a moment. 

“I- it’s just a joke, Yuki.” He replies, weakly, trying to release the tension but the other doesn’t seem to buy it, pushing his bubble tea away, he squeezes Taeyong’s hands between his own. 

“You are not obliged to have sex, Taeyong.” Yuta says, and Taeyong can see why Jaehyun is head over heels for the pink-haired man in front of him. It was not only appearance, and believe it, Yuta was simply gorgeous, but the way the other carried himself exuded security and care. 

Before he can’t control himself, the words are gushing out of his mind. 

He tells him about Chung-ha, a music major that he almost hurt because he was distracted, about Jongin, his co-worker, that blocked him after the disaster of a night they had. And Yuta listens, never asking for more than Taeyong is willing to give and again, he thinks that him and Jaehyun are perfect for each other.

When he’s done there’s tears in his eyes and Yuta moves from his seat to sit beside Taeyong, patting his head and murmuring soothing words in his ear. 

Jaehyun passes by them, giving them a worried glance and when he thinks Taeyong is not seeing, making some weird signs to Yuta, to each Yuta answers with more weird signs.

Taeyong smiles bitterly. _Couple things._

“There’s a term that I think you should search when you get home.” Yuta says, still delicate but holding him firmly. 

He doesn’t. At least not that day, it’s just three days later, after he came back from the elementary school he works at, that he sits in front of his laptop and searches for the meaning of asexuality. 

…

It’s Heira that convinces Taeyong that maybe he’s not made for love. 

She’s four years younger than him, which when you’re twenty seven doesn’t mean much, and has Taeyong wrapped around her little finger. 

Seulgi warns him that Heira means no good but he closes his ear, desperate for warmth, for acceptance, for love. Heira doesn’t drag him to her bed, she drags him to the rock bottom and laughs all the way.

He doesn’t know how everything started, because at first all seemed fine. They meet in a club in Hongdae, and Heira tells him that he dances like a pro, boosting his ego. They have sex, for the first and only time. 

Taeyong is tuned to her, because she is fun and nice, and although he doesn’t care for sex, she clearly does and he wants her to feel good. They end the night with each other's number and a date in the nearest Starbucks. 

Heira, surprisingly, tells Taeyong that she doesn’t care for sex either, not like him, she just think that is not something primordial in a relationship. In his eyes, she seems to glow like an angel. 

Taeyong feels butterflies in his stomach every time he’s next to her, he sweats and stutters and she loves it. Says he looks cute like this. _Nervous_. 

They go on dates, they talk about random things and everything is ok. Until it is not.

“I don’t like that Jaehyun guy.” She says one day, her head resting on Taeyong’s thigh while they watch something on TV. Whenever they are together, things seem kind of blurry, so he’s not exactly sure what the program is about.

“Why?” He asks, worried, because after Seulgi, Jaehyun is his best friend and he doesn’t want his girlfriend uncomfortable next to his favorite person in the world. 

“He’s just… Too fake?” Heira replies, voice unsteady, like she’s not sure if this is the right word. “He seems like the type to suck people’s ambition so he can keep them on the same level as him. Actually, wasn’t what he did to you?”

This makes Taeyong’s head spins. _What is she talking about?_ “Jaehyun is my best friend, Heira. I trust him.”

“Chill, Yong.” She says, a cat-like smile on her lips. She looks so devastatingly pretty right now, “I’m just saying. You wanted to be a dancer, right?” 

“Yeah.” He answers, impatient.

“But you gave up, right when he became your boyfriend.” As soon as the words leave her lips, Taeyong is laughing. “That’s stupid. This had nothing to do with Jaehyun, I was the one that chose the safest option.”

“I guess you are right.” She says, but her voice doesn’t sound convinced at all, “I’m just watching your back, Yongie. I love you.”

Heira spills ‘I love you’ s like they are candies. Sweet and pleasant, but with an expiration date. 

Taeyong tries forgetting about their talk, but the seed was planted and when he sees he and Jaehyun are growing apart. Is too hard to see the hurt in Jaehyun’s eyes every time he rejects some movie or coffee dates, so he stops going to the cafe and picking his calls. 

One day, after a particularly tough day and a fight with Heira, Jaehyun sends him another message.

**Jaehyunie**

_Yong?_

_Are you free tomorrow?_

_I’m making macaroons_

**Yongieee**.

_No_

He goes to sleep, then. Exhausted. The next morning he wakes to the annoying alarm of his calendar. Groaning, he picks his phone back.

**JAEHYUNIE’S BIRTHDAY!!!!!**

Jaehyun doesn’t message him back. Three months later he discovers by a mutual colleague that he moved to Japan with Yuta. 

Heira seems to get a taste for criticizing Taeyong. The way he speaks, his teaching style, his clothes, his apartment, his hair color, his earrings. Anything that Taeyong likes, she dislikes. 

It’s not like she’s rude about it, she barely squints her eyes at him and makes subtle criticisms just to shrug at the end with, “Whatever suits you better, I just don’t want you to look ridiculous. I love you, Yong. I’m just caring for you.”

And things go on, he almost repeats the same mistake that he committed with Jaehyun with Seulgi after Heira tells him that for someone who likes girls, Seulgi spends way too much time in his apartment. 

He knows is stupid, Seulgi is like a sister and just a look at her that you can see that she’s absolutely and completely in love with Joohyun, but Heira is his girlfriend and she loves him, right?

When he asks Seulgi why she keeps going to his apartment, she stares at him. 

“I’ve been in Paris for almost three years, Taeyong.” She replies quietly, and again, he knows. 

After she finished college, Joohyun received a proposal to work in a fancy corporation in France and invited Seulgi to go with her, they’ve been living there since then. 

Suddenly, he feels ashamed.

“I-I know.” His eyes go back to his hands, his bottom lip trembling. “I’m sorry, I don’t want to think about these things, but I keep doing, first with Jaehyun and now with you, I’m so sorry, noona.”

His eyes burn, but he doesn’t cry. He doesn’t think he deserves it. 

Seulgi eyes soften at him, and she hugs him.

“Don’t let people be cruel to you, Taeyongie.” She whispers. 

Heira is the one who breaks things off. It’s a spring day and when she says that she wants to talk, Taeyong feels nothing.

He doesn’t remember how exactly she dumps him, but he remembers her saying something along the lines, “You’re not ambitious enough to me. I need someone strong as me, Yong. Not a wimp.”

It breaks him, he knows. But he doesn’t cry, he just nods and pays the bill, deleting her number right after. 

The day is warm but he still feels cold. 

…

He meets Kim Taeyeon in a fair. 

A book fair, to be precise. He’s looking for japanese books and she’s trying to convince an old lady that the price is not worth the book state. 

It doesn’t work out for her, but Taeyong, for some reason, decides that he’ll buy the damn book for the woman with the twinkling eyes. After so much coldness, Taeyong is attracted to warmth like a moth to light. 

Taeyeon doesn’t do relationships, nor does she do night stands. And Taeyong isn’t looking for any of those either, so they work right on their own ways. 

“Aromantic.” She says, one night when they are sharing a bed because Taeyong is cold and Taeyeon’s heater is broken. “I don’t mind sex, but normally is more trouble than pleasure, people are greedy.”

He agrees and they don’t touch the topic again till one morning after Taeyong’s twenty ninth birthday.

“I think…’ She pauses, licking her lips. They are on his balcony, smoking, when Taeyeon suddenly starts speaking. “I think that you are looking too much.”

Taeyong turns his head back to her, surprised.”What do you mean?”

“You are so desperate to have this type of idealized love that only exists in your head, that I’m afraid you might never feel the genuine feeling of being loved.” 

He goes silent, watching Taeyeon furrowing her brows in concentration.

“You see, I don’t enjoy feeling someone’s heart eyes on me because I can’t give in the same way back.” She says quietly, and he had never seen Taeyeon so raw, she’s pure emotion now. Sunlight doing its show and hitting her eyes gently, making her look almost celestial. Almost because when she looks directly at him, Taeyong is sure he never saw someone so human before. “And I think… I think that you are afraid of what love really is.”

They don’t talk about it anymore. Taeyong starts going to the therapist. 

…

Byun Baekhyun comes in his life like a tornado. 

He has silver hair, two piercings, thirty two years of living and works in a campaign against cigarettes in his free time.

He’s smoking after a stressful day of work, when Baekhyun plasters a poster about all the harm smoking could cause on his face. He’s so surprised that he stumbles over his feet, falling flat on his face and somehow, breaking his nose.

Baekhyun takes him to the hospital, murmuring apologies all the way. Taeyong doesn’t notice at the time, too focused on his bleeding nose to notice anything else, but as soon as he receives his leave, some hours later, he comes to the conclusion that Baekhyun is really beautiful. And completely bonkers.

He accepts the other apologies, and they don’t see each other for some time. 

He receives a proposal to go work in Otaru, a port city in Hokkaido, Japan.

It makes him feel nervous and he’s not sure if he’s ready for something like this but Taeyeon is leaving to Canada for her PhD and Seulgi and Joohyun are back in France so he decides that a change will be good for him too. 

Taeyong calls Jaehyun, praying that he had kept his korean number, and for some crazy destiny luck, he did. 

The other is surprised, but shrugs off his apology and accepts his dinner offer, more than happy with the fact that Taeyong is going to Japan. When they meet, he finally feels time hitting him. 

Jaehyun has smile marks that only age gives you, and Taeyong finds himself happy that his friend is having a good life, but what makes his jaw hang low is the small toddler that trails after his friend. 

“Her name is Mina.” Jaehyun says, proudly. 

Mina is Jaehyun’s second love and he tells Taeyong about the hardships that they had to fight to have her by their side, watching as the small girl runs around with so much fondness that Taeyong feels like tearing up. 

“Have you experimented it already, hyung?” Jaehyun asks, and Taeyong knows what he’s talking about even before he finishes it. 

“No,” He replies, looking at the sky, Mina’s laugh filling his senses, “But I’m happy the way I am now.” 

His life goes back on track. He likes the school he’s working in now better than the previous one. Jisoo, one of his co-workers, is also korean and helps him settle in. He talks to Taeyeon every friday. A random day in October, he quit smoking.

He goes back to Korea for Christmas, has a good time and two days before his flight back is due, he bumps into Byun Baekhyun.

Coincidentally enough, is the same park that he had broken his nose at their first meeting. Baekhyun doesn’t have piercings anymore and he changed his hair color for pitch black, but he looks just as stunning and crazed as some time ago.

When Taeyong is planning on going home, Baekhyun notices him back. 

When the other calls him, Taeyong startles. He wouldn’t expect the older man to remember him at all. 

“Taeyong-ssi!” Is said in a cheerful tone and Taeyong stops on his tracks, watching the other carefully. "Good to see you!" 

Baekhyun is wearing black jeans, white tee and a dark blue corduroy jacket and somehow… It’s like he’s glowing. Maybe it’s his smile, that is so shining, or maybe his face that makes him look like a grad student even though he probably doesn’t even remember what college is like. 

“Ah, hey…” He says weakly, almost offering his hand but never getting there as Baekhyun pulls him into a hug. He smells like melted Hershey’s and cologne. “It’s good to see you too, hyung.”

The ‘hyung’ slips so naturally that Taeyong doesn’t really understand when Baekhyun cracks, “Hyung, uh?”

He can practically see his face getting red, but strangely enough, he doesn’t feel nervous, just embarrassed. Must be a Byun Baekhyun Effect, he supposes. 

“Don’t be mean, It wasn’t intentional.” He whines, walking side by side with the other. He doesn’t know where they are going, but he doesn’t ask either.

He turns his head towards the older man just in time they pass a lamppost, the light illuminating Baekhyun face mildly, and Taeyong can see some small scars and time signs in his skin, he needs to burrow his hands deeper in his coat to avoid brushing his hair out of the way. 

“Oh, no… I like hyung, it makes me feel wiser.” He says, wriggling his brows at Taeyong, and is so dumb, but laugh comes easy out of his mouth. 

They keep walking, Taeyong discovers that Baekhyun has a Engineering degree but he’s actually a painter (“My work is in exposition here, actually. It was the last day, so I can’t even invite you, but well, there’s always pictures, right?”) and that he just adopted a puppy. 

Taeyong tells him everything about his life, more than he would give even for Seulgi in one of hers monthly calls, which surprises him but he doesn’t think much about it, Baekhyun reactions interest him much more. 

“So you’re living in Japan?” Baekhyun asks, surprised. 

“Yeah, two years now.” He answers unwillingly, kicking a little rock on his way, for some reason, the thought of going back makes him feel down. “Kinda crazy, right?”

Baekhyun hums and then stops, turning to Taeyong abruptly and holding his hands. “Give me your number, so you can still see my pretty face even when you’re on the other side of the world.”

Taeyong giggles, squeezing Baekhyun’s fingers with one of his hands as the other fishes his phone from his back pocket. “Aye, captain.”

He was wrong, he notices, about the piercing thing. Instead of ears, Baekhyun now has a tongue ring that just comes to his acknowledgement because he licks his lips while digitating. Taeyong’s throat goes dry, is it wrong that he really wants to kiss him, like, right now?

“Here,” Baekhyun says, returning his phone with a blinding smile. “I’m stuck with you as long as you don’t delete me.”

Taeyong smiles, sending the number a quick ‘hi’ and putting his phone inside his coat pocket this time. 

“Ain’t that true?”

…

Baekhyun and him talk almost everyday, and he discovers, quite awkwardly, that he used to date Taeyeon when they were both in college. Which renders him a really weird talk with the woman.

(“Aw, how cute! Are you asking permission to hold hands with Baekkie?”

“Noona!”

“Taeyongie, you’re such a cutie… Of course noona doesn’t mind! But if he hurts you tell him that I still have those embarrassing pics of college and I can and _will_ destroy his career.”

_“Noona!”)_

And if Taeyong actually feels relieved that they really moved on their thing, it’s his business only. 

Baekhyun visits him in spring and they visit Otaru Aquarium, the Music Box Museum, the canal and during their picnic in Temiya Park, he kisses him.

“Berries…” Baekhyun says as soon as he pulls away, breathless. Taeyong wants to kiss him again, but he just leans toward the other, feeling his hair, bright brown, falling in front of his eyes. 

“What?” He asks, leaning his head on Baekhyun’s hands while the older man watches him fondly.

“You taste like berries, “ Taeyong opens his mouth to reply that it is because they are eating berries, but before he can complete his thought, Baekhyun's hands are on his hips and they are both giggling in each other's mouths. 

He doesn’t stay much longer after this, but his leave is sweet and gentle as his lips and hugs.

It’s a winter Tuesday and he’s walking mindlessly around Temiya Park when he receives a call from Baekhyun. 

“Hyung?” He greets, as the noise in the other side of the call is uncommon. 

“Oh, Yong… You won’t believe it.” Comes the answer and Baekhyun proceeds to tell him that he received a proposal to work in Tokyo and that he’s moving next month. 

“You’ll be living so close, hyung. We can even go in proper dates now, Tokyo is not so far.” He says, almost jumping on his feet, smiling widely. He’s so excited that it takes some time for him to notice that the other side of the line is quiet, his smile dims. “Hyung?”

“You are so damn cute, Yongie.” Baekhyun's reply comes, making Taeyong blush. “Yeah, love… I can finally ask you to be my boyfriend, right?”

Useless to say that Taeyong blushes even harder. “Don’t worry, I’ll do it properly when we are together. I need to go now, Yong, are you ok?”

Baekhyun always asks him this, even when he is the one that is working till late at night in some new piece or is sick, he’s always worried that _Taeyong_ might not be fine. 

“Yeah hyung… I’m better than fine.”

They talk a bit more before someone calls the older man’s name and he is forced to go. As Taeyong walks through Temiya Park he thinks about Baekhyun, cherry blossoms coloring his cheeks.

When he goes home that night, he calls Jaehyun. 

“He loves me, Jaehyunie.” He says, even before the other can do as much as a greeting and smile when he hears squeals. He closes his eyes. “And I love him back.”

**Author's Note:**

> You can call me Stephen King, I have the worst endings eveeeeeeeeeeer!
> 
> Thank you!


End file.
